Unworthy

Pardon my tardiness, but with the new year, new topics, and deciding how to approach them, it took us longer than expected. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Our blog is evolving and it’s time to change things up. Going forward, at least for now, we will have three weekly posts along with our usual travel ones as a bonus. I resolve to focus on my emotions (the Spirit) on Monday, learning (the Mind) on Wednesday, and activity (the Body) on Friday, as a road to being healthier physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Today’s emotion is UNWORTHY.

Definitions of the word unworthy in the Collins Dictionary include

1. lacking merit or value; worthless

2. not deserving

often with of

3. not fit or becoming

usually with of a remark unworthy of a gentleman

4. not deserved or warranted

Too often, I feel unworthy, restraining myself from enjoying scenery or indulging in things not on the value menu. I try to live frugally in my daily life, not that I need to, but it affords me to save up or splurge on bigger things or vacations historically.

When I err, or lapse in accomplishing things, I tend to punish myself by withholding something that I do not feel worthy to have. Not valuing myself wears on me to the point where my actions or lack of actions leave those around me feeling worthless. In fact, punishing myself usually punishes those closest to me more.

I brush off compliments and chose to concentrate on the criticisms. I haven’t contributed to conversations, because I don’t think I have anything worth saying. I have procrastinated on tasks, like writing the newsletter for the blog, thinking my thoughts are insufficient. The path of destruction from me feeling undeserving is wide and dangerous.

In my mind I know that I have value and worth, that we all have it. For some reason this knowledge gets lost. Sometimes I can fight the feeling, but other times it washes over me in waves and nothing counteracts it. For too many years, Tom has done everything in his power to shake me from its grasp. With him and others, I know there is a great support network and people that care about me, but I have stubbornly resisted the change.

I say NO MORE! I will remind myself that everyone makes mistakes and that does not make them undeserving. We do not have to be perfect, although we often feel that we should. Instead of what went wrong, I will remember the accomplishments and good deeds I have achieved. I will try to see criticism as an opportunity to learn and become better. I am worthy. I have value. My thoughts matter, and going forward I need to and will express them.

If any of you following, have felt less than worthy, how did you overcome those feelings, or are you still battling them? I would appreciate words of support, or possibly offer some in return.

I am grateful for the wonderful support I have received from those following, and for Tom as he made this long list of emotions from which I can select. I am worthy of our traveling lifestyle, for the opportunity to visit these spectacular places, and of having a voice with this platform to share it. I am also proud of myself for publishing our first newsletter. Tomorrow I will reward myself with cheesecake for breakfast, but don't let Friday's post hear about it.

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