Two Kingdoms

Let me tell you a little story. Once upon a time there were two kingdoms beside each other. They were both beautiful places that were flourishing, and they were working together to enhance what each other had. Each one had different natural resources that complimented the other.

Then one day a new bug appeared in Kingdom 1. That bug started slowly infecting the fields and consuming crops. There had always been plenty of extra food, so at first no one noticed the bug, and it kept eating and eating. The people finally started to notice that the fields were not doing as well as they had been, but they were too proud to admit that anything could be wrong and shrugged it off repeatedly. They thought it was something out of their control, like a bad storm or cold weather. So they did nothing.

Soon the bug grew and started multiplying, consuming more and more resources. Kingdom 1 began to wither, and Kingdom 2 began to notice their troubles. They told Kingdom 1 that there was a problem and it needed addressing. While waiting for the bug to be controlled, Kingdom 2 began sending supplies and aid to help them out. The bug wasn’t brought under control though. and began attacking Kingdom 2 Soon more and more aid was needed and less was available to be sent, but they sent it anyway. The people of both kingdoms were suffering, The citizens of Kingdom 1 became so dependent of the aid that it was hard for them to see they were hurting Kingdom 2 or see how they could help, even when it was stated how they could help. The people of Kingdom 2 couldn’t understand how Kingdom 1 could let this happen in the first place, and even worse, let the bug continue to destroy both of them. The mistake of not correcting an issue on one side led to hurt and resentment on the other.

Times are really tough, but it is not too late for either of these lands. They both have so many resources that they can use. They can control the infestation, rebuild their fields, and be stronger in the end, Their beautiful lands can be restored. Kingdom 1 has to take the first step, just control the infestation and return the help they received ten-fold. They must do it to the best of their abilities and ensure success. Not every fairy tale has a happy ending, but I sure hope this one does.

I am Kingdom 1. I have to acknowledge that I was the one that let the destruction begin and did nothing to stop it. Since I did that, I only see myself in the most negative, judgmental way, letting my thoughts and behaviors destroy Tom. I have used up all his patience by dismissing and ignoring him and his suggestions. I made him volatile which causes him to explode at friends over what would otherwise be something minor. I push all his buttons in the wrong way and defend or excuse my actions or lack of them. I push and push until he can’t take it anymore, and still keep pushing.

I am taking responsibility for what I have done, and I want to rise up and stop these hurtful behaviors. They have persisted and grown for way too long. I want to repair what I have taken away and broken. I am coming to his defense. He is not the problem, he is the solution. He describes what is going on only because I never do. My failure to talk leaves him holding the bag, and it’s always a big bag of steaming crap. Because I don’t tell anyone how long this has been going on (some of it 16 years), nobody know the severity, he ends up looking like the bad guy. I have given little effort to give him a break (less than1%), am dismissive and uninspired (always), and keep being antagonistic and mean (99.9%), while he is always honest and open: both very aspirational traits. These are wonderful traits that feel amazing when I am on the receiving side, why do I fight returning them?

Sadly, and to my shame, I have dragged him down over the years to the depths of where I have been hiding. This morning he felt that he is being punished from above for some misdeed that remains unknown; extremely low, numb, and worthless...completely dead inside. I made the situation worse by being distant, him reminding me that I was not even touching him. He has told and demonstrated hundreds of times what would help comfort him, a light touch on his face and a gentle finger brush through his hair, but I didn’t do that. I used words in a cold and impersonal tone, all while draping my motionless hand on his knee like a dead fish. Even at his lowest, he chose to consoled me when I wouldn't do it for him. I just sat there crying in shame over my failed lack of effort. I promised to dote on him this afternoon, but ended up just falling asleep. This, too, all added more insult than comfort.

He also reached out to close friends and they ignored his calls and messages. He has always been there for them, heck he even does it for strangers or people he barely knows. At the least he will let them know he needs a few minutes to finish up something and he is right back tending to them. Even today trying to overcome the huge wave of defeat he is feeling, he took a friend into town, stopped to help another with some equipment, and talked to and embraced a couple others that came across his path. He is laser sharp when needed, doesn’t show the hurt very often and fights through it, but he feels he doesn’t matter to anyone.

In the past, I’ve not been the support he desperately needs, and I failed at that again today. I feel that I don’t know what to do and I need everyone’s help figuring it out. He always helps me figure it out, but he can’t help much this time. I tell myself “Come on Al,” it’s past time to take care of him!! No more giving 2% and quitting before I start. It’s time I started giving it my all! For all he has been through he especially deserves it!!!

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